Update – where I’ve been

OMG – so much has happened in the last week that I just don’t even know where to start – and not all of it has been good.  I don’t even know if I should write about it here – but there have been some happenings in my life that have made me think about where I am headed and what I need to be doing with my life.

First and foremost, opPressed got sick with strep – then permaPressed got sick with some sort of cold – then I got both and now imPressed is sick – so we are all dealing with those issues.  In addition, the kids have been with their Dad since Sunday night because of an incident that happened at my house – nobody was hurt or anything – but a big fight ended up having the cops called and overall just a whole over blown situation – and I think I need to figure out where I’m going with my life.  Girls called their Dad and he came and picked them up.

imPressed is not happy – feels down and out – I push – he argues – just not good.

So I’ve been out dealing with these few things and I don’t even know if I should come back to this whole blog thing or not – because right now I feel like my life is out of control.

How do I fix it?

Time Out (via It Just Dawned On Me)

Very good post from It Just Dawned on me. Must read – and good for me this week.

As a former elementary, special education teacher and at one point a mom of a young son (who is now a teen) I know about time out. I could always tell when a child needed a time out. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing…. most times the child just needed some time away. Time to sit in the beanbag chair and stare out the window. Time to lay down … Read More

via It Just Dawned On Me

Been out

Still sick and a traumatic event happened in last two weeks – need time to heal – be back soon

Back on Track

I’m hoping to get back to this whole blogging thing because I really do enjoy it – but at the same time it seems like life has just got other plans for me.  I went through a small depression a couple of weeks ago – then me and opPressed got strep – we are both doing better, but I think we got it along with a small cold – so it has made recovery kind of slow.  Good ol’ antibiotics were given and we are on the mend – just sore from coughing and headaches from not being able to eat real food.

So here I am at a loss for what to write about – so I’m reaching out to you my blogging friends – give me some ideas – and not ideas from the topic at The Daily Post – I’ve got those.  I need something else to write about!

Thanks!

Out Sick

Wouldn’t you know it – about the time I’m ready to start blogging again – both me and opPressed get strep – NOT FUN!

Hope to be back in fighting shape tomorrow – if not you can find me chugging the antibiotics!

Depression Out

I’m done being depressed – I’ve decided.  I’m done with all the downer stuff in my life – I’ve decided – I’m done letting others make me feel like less than – I’ve decided – Depression is now OUT – I’ve decided.

Yep – in case you haven’t heard I was dealing with a little bout of depression the last week or so.  The anniversary of my grandmother’s death hit me hard – I don’t know why and I’m not gonna re-hash it.  All I’m gonna say is that I’m done with it.  Back to real life – back to posting – back to reality.

I think I needed that little bit of time to hide in a hole for a while and just be sad – now I’m not gonna be said no more!  Just going to take my super-duper busy life – and get on with it.  I realized something this weekend that I’m not living life – I’m just making it through each day and not planning or having any fun.  It’s like I’m on a count down to something and it seems like that “something” never comes around – so I’m gonna stop waiting and start living.

I think I started a little bit yesterday with permaPressed birthday party.  She officially turns 11 tomorrow – but we celebrated this weekend.  It was fun and we had a good time and I think that is when I realized enough is enough.  I’m ready for the moment now.  No more planning – no more countdowns – just go with it and see where we land.

On another note – imPressed is up for a new job at work.  I ask for favor for this because he is so ready to do something different and I’m ready for him to get out of where he is and on with his career.  So if you have a higher power you pray to or anything like that – keep him in your prayers please!  This would be such a good move for him.

Well, more later – I gotta go deal with my crazy busy job now.  Be back soon and Thanks for hanging in there with me.

MIA

I have been missing in action the last few days.  I think I hit a little bit of a depression – with the anniversary of my grandmother’s death – and a few other things (that will be followed up in another post). 

I don’t know why I let all of this take its toll on me.  I mean really the world doesn’t stop because I am having a bad day or I’m not in sync with those around me.  I wish it would sometimes.  I wish that on those days I could just crawl into bed and not interact with the world for a while.  I’ve not been sleeping well and have only gotten about 2-3 hours of sleep a night.  I lay in bed – toss and turn – with so many thoughts in my head.  Some of it stupid stuff to worry about – other stuff that I have no control over – and other things that I know I need to do – but can’t because the first two are so overwhelming.

I’m just having a hard time right now and I’m not sure where to go from here.  I have so many issues that I really feel like I have no control over and then again have a vested interest in seeing through.  I’m not sure why I feel like I have to control the outcome of something that I have no control over. 

So please be patient with me as I get back on the postaday2011 challenge.  I am still here and I’ll be sending out some link love soon.  Just bear with me as I try to figure a few things out.

Valentines Day

I’ve struggled with this day for the last several years - I don’t know why – I just do.  It should be easy right – buy a card, a small gift and some candy and just present your loved one with it.  Then I get to thinking why am I doing this – then I think should I buy for my kids/parents/nieces/co-workers.  Then I get all stressed out and I just want to lie in bed and not do a damn thing other than click-through the channels while I guzzle large amounts of chocolate milk and eat Oreo cookies.

This year was no different and as I was in bed last night trying to figure out why I felt this way imPressed looked at me and I started crying.  After a long discussion I think I’ve figured it out – my grandmother died on February 16th – which you would think shouldn’t ruin the day of love – but it does because she wasn’t supposed to go.  It’s been two years and she is gone.  I miss her terribly.  I was cleaning out an old junk box the other day and ran across cards she had sent me and my kids for the last several years and I just realized that I will never again get a card from her – not for my birthday or special occasions – not for Christmas – not for Valentines – never again will I hear her on the phone.  It makes me sad.  It was good to cry last night – I think I’ve had a lot of this pent-up for a while.  I think I’ve grieved for her like I was supposed to – but I think I’m just missing her terribly.

It’s funny that her death made me stop blogging two years ago – and when my grandfather died in December – I just picked it back up.  It was like now that they were back together it was OK to start writing again.  Or maybe that is just my warped brain trying to tell me that it is OK – who knows.

The only thing I do know right now is that I am missing her and it just doesn’t feel right to celebrate love right now – but I will do it – for imPressed, permaPressed and opPressed – because I do love them.  It is just a sad love right now.

Paperclips

Ok I have a thing with paperclips – I don’t know why – but I always have at least one box unopened in my drawer at work.  I like the big ones – probably because the amount of paperwork I do on a daily basis calls for industrial size paperclips and not tiny ones.  I used to be OCD about them not being in the same container – big ones had one container and little ones had another. 

However, in my job now – I don’t have the luxury of time to sort my paperclips and considering I re-use them quite often they get mixed up – which kind of throws the OCD person in my off when I’m looking for a big one and I grab a little one. 

Anyone else a paperclip fan?

Nail day

I got my nails done today – happy happy joy joy – whata wonderful day!